So here we are. 39 weeks. One rather large bump. And two very excited little girls...
And let's be honest, Papa and Mama are pretty excited too (add nervous and terrified into the Mama mix!)
Someone asked me last week, when it comes to labour, what's better... The devil you know? Or the devil you don't?
I couldn't answer that question.
I swing between emotions right now... Excitement and a sense of urgency... I'm ready to go. I'm slowing down, and tiring out and I'm not sure how much longer my body can take the strain. We're eager to meet this little one... Start our new adventure. Everything is ready and waiting - the Moses Basket is made up, the bag is packed, arrangements for the girls are made. In these moments my attitude to labour falls somewhere around the margins of "bring it on!"
And then there's the other emotion. The distant memories of a warm August night three and a half years ago, when everything was in tunnel vision, when our first little lady entered the world. You forget, of course you do, otherwise you wouldn't do it for a third time... But the memories linger a little... The knowledge that you've never done anything so hard in all your life. The sense of control, the loss of control, the "I can't do this any more", the utter focus... And then the little one laid in your arms. The thought of doing that journey again terrifies me... With the realisation that there's no going back now!
But those moments only last a short while because you remember how quickly you forget, how in the intensity of life with a newborn, labour is quickly shoved out of the way by sleepless nights and endless days... And how ultimately it is all worth it. Every single second of pain, of fear, of focus, of sleep deprivation is worth it. That the years that follow of doubting yourself, of worrying about every little detail of their lives, of wondering if you're doing the right thing is worth it. All of it is worth it.
Because amidst all that, the honour of raising little ones, of being the one their tear-stained faces turn to, the sharer of their joys, the recipient of that first giggle, the sought after one in the middle of the night, the comforter and encourager... You realise however hard and exhausting and tiring and repetitive it can all feel at times. One thing remains true.
Motherhood is such a blessing.
Such an honour.
Motherhood is worth it.
So come, little one, when you're ready.
We can't wait to meet you.