Stopping the clock...

Well, that's the weekend plans up the creek, as yesterday, this happened...

Conjunctivitis!!! (This photo was taken after some serious gunk clearance!)

She is being so good about it. I literally had to prize her eye open after her nap yesterday afternoon. She hates the eyedrops, but "plays Doctor" and lies there squinting, but trying desperately to hold her eye open for me while I put them in. She cries afterwards and I feel like a bad Mama; every two hours and we have to "play Doctor" again.

Last night I put the girls to bed on my own; David had Parents Evening. I put Ava to bed and then went through to our room to feed Heidi. I could hear rustling outside my door, but didn't want to go and look for fear of disturbing Heidi from her feed. The rustling went quiet and I assumed Ava must have gone back to bed. 25 minutes later, I opened my bedroom door to find her sitting on the landing on a box in her PJs, cuddling her dolly and waiting for me.

I couldn't be cross with her.

Moments like these make me thankful to be a Mama. There are many moments in the day where I feel close to pulling my hair out when I'm saying something for the upteenth time, or when Heidi's tired and grouchy, or Ava's being defiant. But then I have these little magic moments and I remember to be thankful and appreciate. Stop the clock and savour the moment.

Because I know in the blink of an eye, my babies will be grown up and moved out and these moments will just be memories.

So, even in the midst of conjunctivitis;

thank you, Lord, for the blessing of motherhood.

The last time Ava had conjunctivitis - exactly the age Heidi is now!

3 days to go... Savouring the Season Linky Party 11

Well, we waved goodbye to autumn last week and its hello winter this week! We are wrapping up warm and loving these dark evenings. There is something lovely about being all cosy inside. I have been getting well and truly into festive seasonal mode this week... Already we have...

* Taken the girls to "The Christmas Journey"

* Been up to London's Norwegian Christmas Market

* Attended the Britmum's Christmas Do sponsored by Morrisons

* Started my Christmas shopping

* Been involved in running a Scandinavian Christmas Craft evening.

All have been super-duper fun! I know, it's early. But I couldn't resist. This week I broke my golden rule of waiting until December 1st and pulled out the christmas music and storybooks... I even pulled down all my autumn decorations and whipped out the stuff for advent. Don't worry... I didn't go full blown Christmas yet. That would be taking it a step too far!!

After the madness of the start of the week (I think I'll need a month to recover from Monday alone!), we have been moseying about the house getting ready for Advent. I adore the run up to Christmas, and this past couple of years I loved thinking about how we make it meaningful for our girlies. We've started some really lovely traditions, and I'm excited to get going on them again.

This years Advent Mantel... I will put up nice photos soon. This is a late night phone jobby... apologies to all you photographers out there for whom the quality of this picture is offensive!!

So... Let the winter season commence... I'm after your activities, crafts, recipes, traditions, outings, experiences, bucket lists, "How-to"s... Anything and everything winter and christmas related. Please link up! Then please have a little look round other people's post and let's share some festive fun!!

If you aren't a blogger, why not share what wintery activities you've been up to in the comments box? I'd love to hear from you!

Next week I'll update the button to look a little more festive, for now... please use the one below!

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Scandinavia hits Surburban London...

After my manic morning at Britmums Christmas Do on Monday, I headed home to an equally mad and manic evening. After weeks of planning, material cutting, stock making, stock sourcing, button buying, flyering, leaflet organising, Swedish practicing and same-song-on-repeat singing, the time had finally come.

The Scandinavian Christmas Craft Evening had arrived.

We spent the afternoon dolling up the room... christmas music on, the tree decorated Scandinavian style, and old piano made to resemble a Scandinavian living room at Christmas. Each table was set up and ready to go - traditional scandinavian weaved hearts, dining table centrepieces, Christmas bunting, gingerbread men decorations, stuffed hearts, homemade stockings, hot chocolate and flapjack jars, decorated candle holders. All had been thought of.

We had reckoned on about 80 - 100, but within the first half hour it became evident we had underestimated the success of the evening. It. Was. Heaving. I didn't even get any Glögg or Pepparkaker it was so busy!

I spent the first half of the evening dashing backwards and forwards between coordinating and instructing the homemade stockings table, and trying to man my Homemade Hütte stall. I'm GUTTED I didn't get some pictures. The room looked amazing. But I was utterly run off my feet. I had my camera round my neck the entire evening but barely had a second to take any photos... I did manage one!

I think next year we'll have to rope someone in to be the photographer!

The main room was a hive of activity; a buzz of chatter, Scandinavian christmas carols playing in the background, laughter and that incredible mulled wine scent. In the side room people sat and chatted over coffee and cake, or browsed the homemade wares stalls. There was SO much on offer, it was amazing!

It was fun to be selling my stuff again. With everything we've been through with Heidi these past few months, it had taken a back seat... but how fun to be back to creating and selling again!

Crazy to think its a whole year since I launched my little business! If you're after some homemade giftware, or something to spruce up your home from the season, please pop over to my Homemade Hütte Facebook Page and give it a like! 

About half way through the evening, Emelie, Lisa and I darted out to get ready for a little surprise. We changed into white robes (somewhat resembling Victorian nightdresses) and grabbed our candles. We were going to re-enact one of Sweden's dearest Christmas Traditions... Sankta Lucia!

A very brave Emelie laid a wet cloth over her hair before putting her crown of real candles onto her head. We then walked slowly into the hall singing (yes - in Swedish!) before Emelie explained the tradition... glad there were no cameras around at that point!

It was an amazing evening. It was jam-packed in every sense, but there was such a buzz about the place and everyone went home with the hugest grins, carrying their precious creations.

I tell you what, its a killer to organise... but absolutely one of my favourite evenings of the entire year.

I came home an exhausted but happy girly. Life is full. There is joy to be found always. In some little corner. Whatever life throws at you. Because God is good.

Christmas Cake, Turkey Tips and Blogging Buddies...

Yesterday morning, Heidi and I headed up to London for my first ever "Blogging Event"... I have, until now, hidden safely behind my computer screen and not raised my head above the blogging parapet, but this past year, I have got to know some other lovely bloggers. So a few weeks ago, when Britmums announced that they were running a Christmas Do sponsored by Morrison's, curiosity got the better of me.

So Heidi and I trundled up to London which of course was an adventure in itself (it seems all journeys are eventful in my book - remember the stormy sea-crossing and lorry relay this summer?); we got stuck getting off a train (half way between the train and the platform) and were eventually rescued by a kind young man, and told off by the guard. Oops!

We rocked up to Waterloo... late, of course, as our train had decided to resemble the trains of 100 years ago and CRAWL the last 4 stations (I am not exaggerating - there was some seriously slow chugging going on!) but hey, the lovely Suzanne from "3 Children and It" and Louise from "A Strong Coffee" had very kindly waited for me. It was lovely to be able to put names to faces at last! We black cabbed it across to the venue (Heidi's first time in a taxi!!) and then met Jess from "Catch a Single Thought" and a few others. Fun, fun, fun!

We walked into the room, and I tell you what... the food was amazing! This is what we were greeted by...

Wow! Seriously... I ate a lot of cake - mince pies, chocolate cupcakes and this yum chocolate orange reindeer bread that was DELICIOUS! Heidi was eyeing up some of the chocolate log, but she was NOT going anywhere near that!

We had a fab question and answer session with Neil Nugent, Executive Chef for Morrison's, who shared his top tips for the perfect Christmas Dinner...

DID YOU KNOW>>>
* You should NOT cover your turkey in foil - this only dries it out!
* A turkey needs 20 mins to cook, plus an extra 20 mins for every kilo.
* You should baste your turkey in butter - under the skin - starting from the neck

And that's just a taster! I was scribbling all sorts down (and I don't even make our Christmas Dinner - Mum, watch out, I'm going to be giving you tips this year ;-) )

Anyways, we had a very informative time and then got to sit down and have some lunch and catch up with some bloggers that until now, I've only been able to count as "virtual friends"...

Fun finally putting people to blogs! City Girl gone Coastal, Catch a Single Thought, Everyone Else is Normal, Clarina's Contemplations, 3 Children and It, 40 Year Old Domestic Goddess, Mad Mum of 7 and A Strong Coffee

Heidi had a whale of a time playing with the fir cones and fairy lights, and the poor child didn't even bat an eyelid when we all suddenly abandoned her. There was a passing comment that Morrison's had said we could take anything we liked from the table before we left, and there was literally a stampede! Everyone single one of us jumped to our feet and flew to the table like vultures; gingerbread houses, cute little buckets, christmas signs and candle holders, mince pies, yule logs, reindeer christmas cakes... all was up for grabs! Oh dear... we were quite a sight!!

After 3 hours of mulling and introducing and asking questions and eating copious amounts we finally decided to head home and, after receiving our jam-packed goody bag, a few of us walked back together, braving the maze of London Roads. With the help of a trusty iPhone we finally managed to navigate ourselves back to Waterloo before saying our goodbyes.

We headed home to pick up Ava who had been having a whale of a time with her little friends Thomas and Phoebe, and this little lady and I had some last quiet minutes catching up on the train before the madness of the evening ensued (but that's another story - one for tomorrow!) She is such a joy to be around, and I love her to bits.

This girly was an absolute *star*... I am so proud of how well she is doing.

Thanks BritMums and Morrison's for putting on a good show! My first blogging event was a success! Phew!

A big day ahead...

I have a wonderful plan in my head about how I wanted this blog post to be, but I'm afraid its not going to happen! I'm up to my eyeballs in preparations as I write this (Sunday night)...

I have two MAJOR events in the diary today, and an awful lot of juggling, traveling, arranging and organising to do in order to make it happen. I thrive on being busy, but even I've had to admit that perhaps I've gone in a little over my head today.

But oh well. I can't wait nonetheless!

This morning, as you read this, I will be traveling up to London with little H to attend my first ever blogging "do" and I am SO excited. This past year, the blog's gone places I never dreamed it would, and I've loved getting to know some other bloggers out there. I've never met a single one of them, but some of them feel like they have become friends. Fellow Mums who cared for us and prayed for us through Heidi's illness, many of whom have become a support network in so many ways. And today I get to meet them. A bit like meeting an old pen pal who you've written to for years!

How very exciting!

THEN, as if that wasn't enough excitement for one day, this evening I am involved in running this event at church which is always one of the highlights of my year...

We will be crafting and creating away all evening, and I get to sell all my lovely new Homemade Hűtte Christmas stuff too which I am very excited about. I have just packed 4 massive boxes full of stock and after the madness of today is over, I'll be revealing it all on here and selling it through my Facebook Shop... Here's a sneak preview...

Please do pop over and "like" the Homemade Hűtte Facebook page if you haven't already!

Right, I'm off! I'll let you know how it goes!!!

Christmas Journey: Kick-starting the festive season!

For me, the festive season kicks off with a yearly trip to "The Christmas Journey". It's one of those things I'm hopeful will become a family tradition, and two years in, we have yet to be disappointed!

Christmas Journey is an interactive, thought-provoking journey for children through the Christmas story. Our church have run it for the past few years and it is fabulous. The story comes to life as actors, puppets and incredible sets come together to take the children back in time. Ava was mesmerised!

The children are taken on a journey through six scenes. In the first tent, they travel back in time, right back to the beginning, where the story of creation and fall is told using visuals and Makaton. The storyteller carefully told the story of creation and then showed how the Fall had ruined the relationship God had with people. And so an idea is planted in the children's mind; a rescue plan is needed...

A shepherd guides the children between the scenes, explaining that God's rescue plan is about to be revealed to them as they go... next stop, Mary's house!

We were led into a kitchen in Nazareth where a young lady is busy kneading dough. Above her, washing is strung out as freshly baked loaves line the side. The house is simple, but lived in. Little touches of homeliness are scattered around as Mary introduces herself. She hands out the dough to the children, inviting them to help her as she chatters merrily about her plans to marry in the near future. A moment of comedy when the children are asked what a carpenter does... "makes carpets?" one child responds innocently.

Suddenly we are interrupted. In the corner of the room a towering angel appears with a very important message for Mary. The children sit, open-mouthed.

We are led to the next scene. Distant bleating as the children are encouraged to join the shepherds and hold a toy sheep while they listen to what the Shepherds have to say. Its a cold night, and they're pretty tired.

Suddenly, the angel returns... with more news. The Shepherds scurry off with the children following behind.

We enter a stable. A baby lies in the corner, wrapped up in some old cloths and laid in a feeding trough. Two puppets, Samuel and Sarah, obviously the stable owners, tell the children the story of last night's events. They speak in excited but hushed voices as the children watch, mesmerized.

 Another tent. A tent with riches and incense. A man, dressed in beautiful robes, explains that he is packing for a journey. He's going to meet a King. He shows the children the scrolls he has and points out the star up above in the sky. He shows the children the gifts he and his friends plan to take with them. They smell the frankincense and handle the gold. Looks of wide-eyed wonder from some, and uncontrollable questions and excitement from others. These kids are hooked.

We finish up in a lounge. Comfy sofas, a christmas tree and a roaring fire. This is a scene we all recognise. A lot like home. And here, a man explains to the children what their time travelling has to do with today... why this baby was important. Why this baby is important - and why he came.

When we had finished our journey, we headed into the cafe for mulled wine and christmas cookies. Ava talked all the way home about what she had seen; but she was left with one question. She had seen Mary and Joseph, the shepherds, the wise men... even an angel.

"Mama, can I see God now?"

Try answering that question for a two-year-old!

The closest we got to both girls looking... introducing Heidi as Joseph, and Ava as Mary!

And, of course, Mama and Papa couldn't resist either!

Goodbye Autumn: Savouring the Season Linky Party 10

I am officially waving goodbye to autumn... the icy winds have set in, and yesterday I got attacked by a hailstorm while I was walking home from Bible Study. I definitely wasn't feeling resentful of the girls sitting in their warm cosy buggy with raincover while I raged battle with the elements.

Honest.

I SO love the autumn... it is my all time favourite season, but when the cold sets in, and there's a whisper of Christmas in the air, I begin to get excited about the next season too.

Winter is lovely, isn't it?

So today I'm saying goodbye to Autumn... next week, #SavouringtheSeason will be switching its focus. We're going all out winter, folks! And I can't wait...

This year, for the Autumn Season, I set myself an Autumn bucket list. We haven't achieved everything, but I've loved the challenge of having something to work towards...

So here you go, our bucket list in action!

OK... so we didn't carve a pumpkin this year, we also didn't go to a fireworks display (I know - utter parental failure there!) and I don't think I wrote any real letters.

BUT. We have had a fabulous autumn. A season of thankfulness. The harvest of joy after lots of sowing of tears. I have so many reasons to be thankful. The little delights and pleasures of life that all too easily go unnoticed have perhaps been a little more savoured.

So this week is your last chance to link up your autumnal activities/recipes/reflections/crafts/photographs etc, because next week we move to the icy regions of winter (and I'm told this year it's gonna be a big'un!)

Please have a nose around other people's links and leave some lovely comments. Its always so nice to know someone has taken the time to read the writing you put out there. I'll do the rounds and pop over and say hello to all of you!

Goodbye Autumn! It's been wonderful!

Social Networking and All That Jazz...

I am officially rubbish at keeping up with all this social networking malarkey. I am renowned for being awful at responding to text messages, I never have my phone on me, and my tweeting is sporadic at best. Facebook is just about the only social networking forum I seem to be able to just about cope with.

One day last week I decided enough was enough and I was going to become a Social Networking Busy Bee. I tweeted a fair bit. I engaged with other people's twitter accounts. I posted my blog on my Facebook page (it normally does it automatically) and my twitter account, I entered a load of other linkys and then spent time looking at and commenting on other people's entries. I got involved in a lot of Facebook conversations. And you know what? By lunchtime, I realised I pretty much hadn't talked to the girls much that day. I mean, I talked, but I wasn't there... I wasn't present.

I wasn't noticing the moments that normally make my day because I was too busy with my head stuck in an electronic device.

So I'm holding my hands up and surrendering. I KNOW its blog etiquette to re-tweet and comment and give +K and all that to people who give it to you. I know some amazing bloggers who respond to every comment they get on their blog. I am in awe of you. I've just realised that I can't. And that's OK.

Because I love blogging. I love writing. I love the fact that people seem to find our little corner of London interesting enough to read about. I get a buzz from every single comment you leave.

But I can't be a super-blogger, because right now, that isn't my priority. Its not my job. Its not the reason I'm at home every day. These two little blue-eyed, blonde-haired bundles of fun are, and while a morning amusing each other while Mama had a morning of madness and had her head stuck in a laptop isn't going to do them serious long term damage, that morning on repeat day after day could do.

So there you have it. I may be an official failure when it comes to social networking, but for now, I think that needs to be the way it is round here. I only get to enjoy these little years once... but please know, even if I don't reply, I am so encouraged and blessed by the comments you do leave, and they are much appreciated.

As for the Forums? I've finally got around to setting up a Facebook Page for this blog. So if you'd like to follow the blog, just click below and LIKE it, and every entry will automatically fall into your News Feed without you, or I, being torn away from what we need to be doing at that moment!

Clarina's Contemplations Facebook Page

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PS - We have a WINNER!

Thanks to all of you who entered the HiPP Organic Competition. Your entries were entered into a random name picker (miniwebtool.com) and the winner is...

* Drumroll please *

Congratulations Becky! Please message me your address and HiPP Organic will send you your Baby Treat Hamper in no time at all!

Here you go...

Little Playmates...

One of my favourite things is to watch our two little ladies getting along together. Heidi is growing up so fast, and Ava's loving being able to play with her now. Poor Heidi gets bossed around no end, but she doesn't seem to mind.

Not yet, anyway!

I'm so glad they're hitting this stage right as the winter heads in. Much more cooped up in the house time and all that. At least now they'll have each other to keep them amused.

Of course, its not all roses and rainbows. Heidi isn't always the most willing parcipitant in Ava's games, and Ava just can't understand why Heidi doesn't just do as she's told (although why she can't understand this is beyond me - she seems to have no problem understanding it when its me asking her to do something!)

Little playmates. As Miranda's mother would put it; "Such fun!"

I'm walking with my bright lantern...

Don't you just love Sunday afternoons? Long, lazy afternoons enjoying good food and family. Growing up, a Sunday afternoon walk would often make an appearance, but with the girls naps, its a bit trickier these days. Yesterday, however, we donned our coats at about 4pm and headed out into the cold, evening light.

One of my favourite traditions that I picked up when I lived in Austria, was that of Laternenlauf - walking with lanterns. It's a German tradition, in mid-November, that the little children walk the streets in the evening with lanterns lit to symbolise Jesus as the light of the world. Its timing is linked to the celebration of a Christian man called Martin who helped a beggar in a snowstorm (the festival is called Sankt Martin)

So on Sunday evening we headed out (the camera has actually managed to make it look lighter than it was!) and a little lady was extremely excited to be carrying a lantern with a real tealight in it (it was enclosed and very secure!)

She walked very carefully, and sang one of her favourite lantern songs the whole way round...

Ich geh' mit meiner Laterne,

Und meine Laterne mit mir

Dort oben leuchten die Sterne

Und unten leuchten wir

Mein Licht is aus, ich geh nach Haus,

Ra-bimmel, Ra-bammel, Ra-bum...

I'm walking with my bright lantern

And my lantern's walking with me

Above the bright stars are shining

And down here its us you can see

My light is low, so home I'll go

Dum-diddle, dum-diddle, dum-dee...

We took a nice walk round the park, and she held tight to that little lantern the whole way round.

And as we walked, the little lantern shined brighter as the darkness got deeper. I do love these autumn heading into winter evenings. 

On being a parent...

You are the creator of their childhoods. You are the influencer of their dreams, and tastes and fears. You are the emcee of all reality, the one to introduce you children to the true personality of their maker, as imaged by your life more than your words. The choices you now make have lives riding on them. ALWAYS.
- N.D.Wilson -

Wow. What a calling! I thank God for grace!

This week I've been thinking a lot about my parenting. It's amazing how you can swan along, not thinking much at all when things are going well, and then suddenly you hit a few bumps in the road and you start to question EVERYTHING you do.

At the moment, our 2-year-old is being a 2-year-old. She's an adorable, loving, bubbly, music-box, non-stop talker and I love her to pieces. But she's also enjoying challenging our boundaries.

I tell you what, this 2-year-old has made me have more of those "I feel out of control" moments than my classes of 30 Year 6 children ever did!

So I'm brewing over the quote above and remembering that every little piece of training we do now, every time we discipline, every piece of praise we give, every snappy word and sharp response is shaping this little person. And everything I do is modeling to her. I can teach her the Gospel in what I say... but ultimately, its the way I live that will tell her the real story. She's watching; always watching. And soaking, and learning, and copying.

Boy, this motherhood thing is a hefty responsibility.

But, oh! What a gift!

Cuddling up for Winter: Savouring the Season Linky Party 9...

Well I've had an UTTER FAILURE of a week this week when it comes to all things autumnal. Its getting colder and I'm slowly but surely switching to winter mode...

We are snuggling up at home for movie nights and general cuddly fun. Ava is a hands on sister. She loves to cuddle/smother/bundle her baby sister and most of the time Heidi just loves it. She thinks Ava is just about the funniest person she's ever met.

So while we're transitioning slowly to winter mode, I need your INSPIRATION! Please link up all your autumn ideas/adventures/crafts/recipes and I'll try and make the most of these last two weeks of November before winter well and truly hits!

Please take a look at some of the other links and leave some comments, and if you aren't a blogger, go take a look and comment anyway! These guys have some great inspirational and very creative ideas that I absolutely intend to have a go at before we kiss autumn goodbye!

I need some inspiration people! :D

Special shout out to Karen at "Let Kids be Kids" who has been amazingly dedicated to this linky and has given me some fantastic ideas for activities to do with the girls... definitely worth a read!

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GIVEWAY treat for hungry tums...

One day last week I made a schoolboy mothering error. I got the girls up and dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast, opened the fridge door and oh dear. The full fat milk carton was empty.

This is no problem for Ava who, at 2, can happily munch her cereal doused in semi-skimmed, but at 8 months old, Heidi is still fully on the fat when it comes to her breakfast cereal.

Error!

I racked my brains. A trip to the shops would risk Heidi falling asleep on route (yes, it does feel like she goes down for a nap very quickly after waking from a whole night's sleep... Babies, hey?!) and toast is fine, but about as much ends up on her floor as goes in her mouth... And then it hit me!

Bingo!

The day before I'd received a parcel in the post full to the brim of baby goodies! HiPP Organic had sent me their latest range of food pouches to review for all of you lovely people and suddenly my breakfast dilemma was solved!

Heidi merrily tucked in to her apple and baby rice breakfast and the day was saved!

I am a BIG believer in home cooked food for little tums. There's nothing quite like a good home-cooked meal, is there? But I tell you what, these pouches are fabulous for when your out and about... Easy to store, no bowl necessary and my little lady has been seriously enjoying trying out some of the different flavours.

One of my favourite things about this particular range is that they haven't been afraid to try some new ideas. Rather than just the tried and tested chicken stew and shepherd pie concoctions, they have thought outside the box and tried some more interesting flavours. Heidi particularly enjoyed this one, and I have to admit to taste-testing it myself. Curry for babies?? It was yum... Very mild, but it actually DID taste like curry!

The other thing I really liked that I found different to some of the other brands we have used was that in the 7+ month options the little lumps were actually little lumps. Sometimes I have found the texture of the 4 month and 7 month baby food to be verging on exactly the same, but I liked the fact Heidi would actually be able to appreciate the different textures in these pouches.

So here you have it... From the little lady herself! And the MOST exciting thing that she'd like to tell you (if she could say anything other than ma-ma-ma) would be that HIPP Organic have generously offered a hamper of baby goodies to one of YOU!

All you have to do is leave a comment in the box below with your name, and you could be in with a chance of winning a hamper full of HiPP Organic goodies!

Maybe you don't have a little one yourself, but wouldn't it be a great little gift for someone you know who is about to embark on the exciting adventure that is weaning?!

Go on... Look how great they are!!

* The pouches are suitable for babies from 4 months *

* The Giveaway is open to UK participants only *

* The Giveaway will close at midnight on Tuesday 19th November 2013 *

* The winner will be announced on Wednesday 20th November 2013 *

* The winner will have 1 week to respond to receive their prize, if I do not hear from them, they will forfeit the prize to somebody else *

* HiPP Organic will send the prize directly to the winner *

Here's what HiPP discovered about weaning in their recent survey... Is it your experience too??

Disclosure: We were sent the complete range of new HiPP Organic baby pouches to trial and were compensated for hosting the Giveaway too. All thoughts and opinions are our own.

Six months on... And still riding the rollercoaster...

Today marks six months since our darling girl fell ill: six months since she started to get irritable that morning in church; six months since that angry rash broke out all over her tiny body; six months since her fever started to rocket; six months since we rushed her into A&E.

Six months.

In many ways, these past months have been the rainbow after the storm. Our baby girl is here. She is a bundle of fun. She is a chubby ball of cuteness. She is alive and kicking (literally!) Her good morning, four-toothed, gummy smile is the best welcome at the start of the day. And boy do I love her.

But yesterday was a hard day. We live in the shadow of Kawasaki every day... And every bug poses a threat to our little one. But there are two viruses that pose a particular threat: flu and chicken pox. And yesterday we found out that Heidi had been in contact with someone who had it.

Everything comes crashing down.

That's when the rubber of your faith hits the road. I got home from my friends and settled the girls for their naps. I came down the stairs and fell to pieces. The risk for Heidi of chicken pox, flu and any fever is an awful illness called Reyes Syndrome. Don't google it. I can't even allow my head to go near that territory. It terrifies me.

I sat on the sofa and I cried and all those emotions of the last six months just surfaced all over again and for a split second, I allowed fear to grip me and the what ifs became overwhelming. I cried and prayed and cried and prayed. And then my wonderful mum came and held me and prayed for me and our darling girl. Sharing the burden helps so much.

When she had gone I sat down, more at peace, and opened my Bible and through those words The Lord spoke to me and calmed my anxious heart. He is good. He is sovereign. He is Here. And he is in utter control. He loves our Heidi more even than me. And he holds her in his hands.

Yesterday evening we got the all-clear. It seems the chicken pox was a scare. Relief flooded me and I have cried more tears. Tears of thankfulness that we are spared. In three and a half weeks Heidi will get her chicken pox vaccine and I can breath more easily.

In the meantime, faith is tested. Can I really trust Him? Do I really believe He wants our good? Do I know with all certainty that He is in utter control? The tears may roll, the heart at times feel heavy, but I know... WE know, with a resounding "Yes!" that he's got this. He's in it, over it, under it, around it. What peace there is in that.