Nine weeks.

On Thursday I sat in the waiting room of the weigh-in clinic. After our summer away, I knew it would probably be good to check out how the little lady was doing. She is growing up so fast and most days I'd just like to slow her down. I love the six month stage... Chunky thighs and chubby cheeks and roly-poly arms. She is my smiley, chirpy, happy baby and most of the time I could just eat her right up.

As I sat with my healthy, happy bouncing baby on my lap, I fell into conversation with the Mums around me... The usual questions ensued... "How old's your little one?" There was a 7 week old... An 11 month old... A 9 month old, and then another mother joined us...

"How old is your little one?" someone asked...

"Nine weeks" she smiled in reply.

I felt like the bottom fell out of my heart.

Why can I not hear that age without feeling sick to my stomach? Because at 9 weeks old my healthy, happy, bouncing baby became my not healthy, happy, bouncing baby. She got sick, and then I remember that the bonny baby on my lap is still sick.

It just hurts, is all.

It's so silly, I know. Heidi is doing so well, she has no idea anything is wrong. She is thriving and growing and loving life, and filling our lives with giggles and gorgeousness. And perhaps that's why it hurts so much, because everything in me cries it shouldn't be like this. Babies don't get sick. Babies don't get life threatening conditions. Mamas should only have to worry about teething and nappy rash, not heart attacks and blood clots. This is wrong!

And you know what? It's OK to feel like that, cos it IS wrong. Suffering is not right... And one day it will be ended. I'm praying that our Heidi's little heart will belong to the Saviour... And if so, one day, her little heart will be perfect. Her arteries perfect. Her blood flowing freely. I cling to that.

And in the meantime I catch my breath, gulp back my tears and smile at the lady with the 9 week old.

"She's gorgeous," I say.

He (Jesus) will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.

Revelation 21:4, The Bible.

Break-Downs and Midnight Adventures

You would have thought that after our horrendous journey to Northern Ireland last week, we might have been able to pull off an uneventful return... but no, it seems that any long journey in our family, right now, has to be accompanied by some serious drama... and so the tale begins...

Happy faces on the sea-crossing this time!

We had had a dream crossing... the total opposite of our sea-storm experience the week before... the sea was calm, everyone was happy, the girls were familiar with the noises and I had come a bit more prepared. Boat bag was at the ready, so there was no last minute "gathering" happening on the car deck below. We docked early, swiftly got off the boat and were on the Welsh roads by 4.30pm. The TomTom reckoned we had a four and a half hour drive ahead of us. Adding in the hour stopover that I knew we'd need for some food and Heidi's bedtime feed, I reckoned we'd be home by 10.30/11ish.

Not too late, I thought.

Oh how wrong I was!

We settled into the journey, Heidi asleep in the back, Ava was watching Postman Pat on the I-Pad and I was busy texting some friends when I heard a groan from the driver's seat and the words you never want to hear when you're driving in the fast lane...

"We're breaking down,"

"What?!"

Dave was brilliant, he pulled over as quickly as he could into the slower lanes, and, praise God, there was a side road just as the car was slowing down. We pulled round the corner and stopped the car at the top of a little culdesac. We looked at each other.

Dave was on the phone to the AA... but we had no idea where we were... the TomTom was very helpful (not!) telling us that we were on an unnamed road somewhere between the A5151 and the A55. Great.

The TomTom's very helpful 

As Dave was on the phone, I spotted a house around the corner and I ran round with Ava to find out where we were. The couple were in and wrote their postcode down for us. We headed back to the car armed with a location.

Choosing to be positive, while Dave waits for the road-help...

I'm learning that in these kind of situations, you have two options. You either let it bother you, be the victim and have a mega-stress, or you go with the flow and embrace the adventure. With the option to cry, or to laugh, we decided to choose the latter and see this as a bit of an adventure...

The adventure was about to get a whole lot more exciting.

After an hour and a half of waiting (and about 3 cars passing us by, having a good old stare but not asking if we were OK, if we needed anything...) the road help arrived. He had a brief look over the engine, but with two small children, said he didn't want to risk letting us drive when he wasn't sure what the issue was. He could've pulled the engine apart and had a proper look, but we had Relay on our insurance, and so he recommended just getting us home and sorting it out once we got back.

To be honest, that sounded like the best option. By this point it was gone 8pm and we still had around a 3 hour drive.

I thought.

And so our journey began. The guy tied our car up to the back of his pick-up and drove us as far as Chester. From there, a big AA lorry would pick us up and drive us home.

We thought.

We climbed into the lorry feeling positive. It had been ready and waiting for us at Chester services, and both drivers had been friendly and helpful. Ava was over the moon to be travelling in a lorry, and we were reminding ourselves of the positives... we could sleep on the journey home now, and we wouldn't have any petrol costs! Of course, the fiasco had added an extra couple of hours to our journey, but at least we were now on the way home. The girls fell asleep quickly and we sat in the back watching the world go by...

"I'm taking you to the M40 services at junction 10. Another lorry will pick you up from there. We should arrive there about 1am"

Our 2nd lorry... dropping us off at 1am...

Another changeover? 1am? I was hoping to be home by 1am... and why did we have to change again... that would mean waking the girls again, it would probably mean feeding Heidi again which would be another delay, and while Ava was coping well with the situation, Heidi was scared. The second she couldn't see Dave or my face, her bottom lip would wobble and the tears would come...

We were beginning to struggle with the whole adventure approach.

We arrived at the next services at 12.45am, the new lorry wasn't there, so we headed into the services, recounting to each other the reasons we had to be thankful...

It was warm and dry outside...
We, and our car, were being transported for free across the country...
The girls were fine...
We were fine...
We hadn't had an accident...
It didn't appear there was anything too seriously wrong with our car...

We sat in the services and waited. I fed Heidi and Ava played in a little play area. The place was eerily quiet. It seemed we were alone on the road tonight.

The next driver arrived and loaded us up. At last we were on the route home... the girls would hopefully fall quickly back to sleep with the movement of the car and we should be home by 2.30am.

"I'm taking you to the M40 services at junction 2. Another lorry will pick you up from there. We should be there about 2am"

Seriously? You have got to be kidding. We were 75 miles from home. An hour and a half drive at most... couldn't he just take us home? Did we really need to disturb the girls again?

It seemed yes. We arrived at the next services at 1.45am. Again, we shifted ourselves into the services with two pairs of little blue eyes peering up at us. Thankfully the wait wasn't long as we piled the girls into what we hoped would be the final lorry.

To be honest, I don't remember anything. I think I must have fallen straight to sleep and woke up with recognisable roads around me. We were nearly home. At last. My little family slept all around me. The roads were empty and me, and the driver, seemed to be the only ones in the world awake. I looked up at the moon and realised, again, how much I had to be thankful for. A 3am arrival home really was nothing to get worked up about in the grand scheme of things. We were safe. We were together. That's what mattered.

The girls transferred easily. Heidi didn't even stir as I laid her into her cot. Ava rolled over, whispered good night and was asleep again the moment her head touched the pillow. We emptied the car into the lounge and rolled into bed. It was nearly 3.30am.

I lay down, asleep within seconds, but just before I nodded off, I thanked God for our holiday. Surrounded by two rather eventful journeys, we had had a wonderful time.

And let's be honest, with journeys like that... it was most certainly a holiday we'll never forget!

On wanting more...

We have had a lovely week in good ole Norn Iron... One of the things I have loved doing is nosing around my cousins new houses... Beautiful new builds,  a clean slate, stunning decor and no clutter... I'd be lying if I said the green eyed monster hadn't raised its ugly head...

If only we had such a spacious kitchen...

Life would be lovely if we had a cute little pot bellied stove like that...

I'd love a stripy bathroom too...

We could fit two children in each of those bedrooms...

That garage would make an amazing craft room...

Its the age old problem of contentment... or lack of it. The belief that if only I had all those things my life would be so much more enjoyable and fulfilled. And all too often, my response to this kind of feeling is to do...

When we get home, I'm going to declutter the entire house...

I'm going to buy a few more scented candles...

I'm going to paint the dining table and cover the chairs...

I'm going to get a serious storage solution for the girls toys...

The problem is, that doing doesn't get to the root of the problem. If I had all those things, and did all those things, would I be happy? Would my life be as perfect as I think it would? 

No. 

I know for a fact I'd then be wanting a bigger garden, an extra bedroom, a loft conversion... insatiable dissatisfaction. 

And that's why I can't believe that things will make me happy. They won't. There will always be one more thing. Instead, I need to remember that satisfaction and contentment are only found in God, that I have so much to be thankful for... That my little lot in life is exactly what he has intended for me, and that my dissatisfaction is not meant to make me long for more stuff, but instead to long for him, and the "life in all its fullness " that he offers.

So instead of wandering round my cousins houses with green eyes jealousy, I'm going to thank God for my little terraced house with all its clutter. I have so much. I am so blessed. Life is full and God is good.

Hooked...

It's official.

I'm hooked.

           

                       

Oh the lazy days of summer holidays!

What are your familiy's top games??

#GetGoodSummer Linky Party: Week 8

We're back... and oh my! I need to report my utter disaster FAILURE of a week! I have done nothing. Yes, that's right - nothing towards my #GetGoodSummer goals. I have done next to no exercise (unless you can count crawling across a boat in a sea storm - more on that here!), I have not done anything creative or crafty (I didn't even bake my daughter's birthday cake this year!), I haven't read much of my Bible (no excuses there)... I guess the only thing I can say is that I've taken lots of photos... so Heidi's scrapbook will have something to go in it at least.

Oh, the shame!

So, folks, I need your encouragement; your "Come on Claire... only 1 week to go!", or "You've been doing so well, don't give up now!"... something along those lines, please.

Secretly, I'm allowing myself the excuse that this week we've had two birthdays and a major family wedding; surely you gotta cut me some slack, right?!

Anyhows... hoping you've been slightly more successful than me!

So how's it going? Link up your progress in the linky party below and pop to a couple of other blogs and give them some encouragement... it really does make all the difference!

If you aren't a blogger, just post your progress in the comments section and check back later... I try to reply to all the comments made!

The epitomy of utter failure...

Over and out!

Fun at the Folk Museum!

We had one very happy and excited two year old yesterday...

      

Yes! It was Ava M's birthday!

      

My favourite places to visit in Northern Ireland are the folk museums... On my tenth birthday, the family headed to the American Folk Museum, which follows the story of emigration from Ireland to America, so when asked what Ava and I would like to do for our birthdays, the choice was simple. We'd head to the Ulster Folk Museum!

                                         

It was so much fun! 

                                         

    

We were transported back 100 years and our little two year old loved it! She played with a hundred year old toy pram, pottered in and out of 1900s homes, bought chocolate mice in the old school sweet shop and sat in the judges seat, condemning us all to imprisonment! She chased chickens, visited pigs, sat on an old bicycle and sang in the old church!

         

The Ulster Folk Museum is a collection of old houses, churches, schoolrooms, farms, halls and shops that have been brought together from all over Northern Ireland. The park is laid out as a 1900s town and countryside. In the town you can go to the old picture house, visit the blacksmiths, the bank, the school, the church, the sweet shop, the post office, the dress makers... You name it! We wandered over cobbled streets, stopped for drinks in the tea house and were wowed by the comparative grandeur of the Bank Manager's House!

                                        

  

You then begin to leave the town and the cobbled streets turn to dust lanes surrounded by beautiful countryside. As you walk along, you may pass a little cottage or farmhouse that you can pop into. Sometimes you might meet the residents who would tell you what life was like there. Sometimes they are cooking or baking and may share a yummy treat or two!

         

   

It was a fascinating trip, and everything a little girl could want: hands on activities, animals and freedom to roam. It totally impressed me as well... The history lover in me was in her element and we enjoyed the park so much, we didn't even get a chance to look into the Transport Museum which is attached!

       

So if you're ever in Northern Ireland and looking for a grand day out, this ones for all ages and walks of life.

Here's one little girl who had a whale of a time...

                                       

  

Not to mention the pizza and birthday cake that followed!

      

                                         

       

                                        

  

Happy birthday Ava M!

Two years! Two years? Is it really so long since I crossed the threshold into motherhood??! You are no longer that little needy bundle who was.laid into my arms two years ago. You are strong and independent and little Miss Sociable. You chatter and sing your way through life and bring so much joy to Papa, Heidi and I.

                                       

This year you have grown up so much... Last year you were still my baby; the little chubby body has slimmed down, the babbling has become words and sentences, the rattles are gone and its all about teasets and baby dolls. Ŷou have grown up in all the ways a one to two year old should do, but you've had to grow in other ways too...

                                     

   

No one year old should have to be a month away from Mama, no one year old should have to try and grasp that her baby sister is sick, no one year old should have to spend a week "visiting" Mama and Papa for an hour a day before leaving us again. But do you know what? You have thrived and flourished and grown such resilience despite that - perhaps because of that, and you are stronger for it. You have been so cherished, so loved and so prayed for throughout this journey, and I am so grateful to God for the incredible support network that we have.

                                        

    

But ultimately I'm grateful to Him. God has entrusted you, our darling little girl, into our care. That feels so huge. You are our firstborn... We are learning everything on the job with you; learning how to set you wise boundaries, learning how to shepherd your heart, learning how to be Mama and Papa, learning how to handle tantrums, and cheekiness and the countless good things too. Forgive us when we make mistakes, because we will, but our hearts desire is for you to grow up to be a woman who knows and loves the Lord. 

       

This past month you have seemed to suddenly grow up... Overnight you started speaking in full sentences... You adore the story of "Heidi" and you sing the soundtrack to "The Sound of Music" all day every day. You love your dollies, your books and your beloved Bärli. You love your sister... Sometimes a little too much, and tell us she is your best friend. Sometimes I find you praying on your own for Heidi's heart, and it warms my heart too.

      

    

Of course, you are a normal two-year-old and you love your independence... "Ava do it!" in all three languages is probably your most common phrase. You want to be grown up, but you aren't quite ready yet, and you're learning how to cope with your frustrations too (at the moment, you like to throw yourself down on the floor and lie there crying!) but we're learning and growing together, and I know that you need to learn to handle frustration and disappointment and upset. Those are lifelong lessons.

                                          

Ava, I just want you to know today how much we love you, how grateful we are to God for your little life, how excited we are about being a little family together. You are a joy to us, you fill our days with music and fun and you are the life and soul of the party.

      

    

We pray Gods richest blessings upon you this coming year,

We love you SO very much,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Mama and Papa xxx

Weddings, wildflowers and wide-awake toddlers!

Yesterday we dolled ourselves up, jumped in the car and headed to Lurgan for my cousin Nuff and his bride, the lovely Lyndsey's, wedding. There's something lovely about family weddings... Catching up with friends and family, some of whom you haven't seen for literally decades, and the general atmosphere of merriment!

Nathan and Lyndsey are a fun-loving, lively couple, and their wedding reflected them perfectly... From the moment the ceremony began, there was a sense of fun; the ceremony was filled with laughter, the music excellent, the church decorated beautifully - simple country style with gorgeous wildflowers, handsewn bunting, scrabble tile messages and flower-filled jam jars. The attention to detail, throughout the whole day, was incredible... These guys had worked hard to put on a good party, and boy did they succeed!

      

When the ceremony was over, they headed off in their cars (the bridesmaids and groomsmen in a very funky Volkswagen camper) and we followed. The venue was beautiful: the grey skies cleared and the sun appeared and we sat on the lawn drinking tea, coffee, homemade lemonade and fizzy berry, and eating scones layered with jam, cream and fresh berries... Yum!

     

I could go on about how brilliant every little thing was, but instead, I thought I'd share my top five highlights! 

Highlight #1: The happy couple... Both radiant, both beaming... Nuff had cleaned up nicely and Lyndsey looked beautiful. Her dress was almost Grecian style... Simple and yet stunning with this gorgeous detail on the back. They smiled and laughed/giggled their way through the ceremony, and it was just so clear how right they were for each other, and how happy and excited they were about this new stage of life.

                                         

                                         

    

                                         

                                            

                                          

         

Highlight #2: The attention to detail... So many special little touches and quirks! The bunting covered cake, the chalkboard signs dotted around, the BAGFULS of goodies for the children, the fairy lights, the photo bunting, the games, the gorgeous wildflowers, the vintage tea-cups, the bottles of lemonade for the children... Every little thing had been thought of, and everything was just so pretty!

                                       

     

                                       

    

                                       

                                      

Highlight #3: Onsite babysitting service... Ava quickly made friends with some boys who were WONDERFUL at looking after her! Shame none of them are old enough to qualify for babysitting services yet... They were so sweet with her; playing with her, dancing with her, showing her around and explaining things to her. She made it until 12.30am before she totally crashed on her Papa and transferred easily to bed when we got home. Heidi, on the other hand, fell asleep in her buggy at 8 and slept through the ceilidh and disco... In the same room! Perhaps weeks in hospital have enabled our Bubba to sleep through absolutely anything!

                                    

                                    

   

        

                                        

       

Highlight #4: The food... Like actually AMAZING! Seriously the best wedding food I've ever had! There was SO much of it and absolutely everything was absolutely yum! They totally catered for Ava as well... She loved her fruit face starter, sausage and chips and wolfed down her ice-cream! We were spoilt for choice... Dave was particularly chuffed when they showed up around half ten with mini buckets of chips and fancy bacon butties! Then of course there was yummy wedding cake, plus a constant flow of Shloer, wine and elderflower cordial! 

        

         

Highlight #5: Family fun! Just being with family... Uncles, Aunties, Cousins... It was fab. Just fab. And we had a wonderful day...

                                     

The 8 cousins! Reunited again!

                                       

Thank you Nathan and Lyndsey! We love you and are so excited for you as you start this next chapter! 

                                                                 God Bless you both!

                                                                              XxxX