Heidi first became ill at 9 weeks old. I can't believe that was a whole 8 weeks ago. Two months since our lives took a most unexpected and difficult turn.
On Sunday, at church, a ten-year-old boy sidled up to me and asked how Heidi was doing. I didn't even know he knew. I am amazed, time and time again, by the level of support we have received. We have been so blessed.
I find that question so hard to answer... "How is Heidi doing?" Because the truth is, I don't know. Externally she is delightful, healthy, happy and totally and utterly adored by her big sister. I am smitten with her. She is the easiest baby to ever cross my path and I feel so privileged to be her Mama. She smiles her way through the day, charming everyone, feeds well, sleeps through the night and just gives so much back.
But the hard thing is I don't know what's going on underneath the surface. We had good news, 3 weeks ago when we returned to hospital, but I don't know what's happened since... Have her arteries continued to improve? Is that the extent of improvement they are going to do? Are they trying too hard to heal themselves, causing further complications?
I don't know.
I don't know, and that's what's hard. Trusting God in the unknown. One day, in hospital, I remember saying to my Mum, "I could cope with all this is somehow I knew she'd be alright in the end..." But that's not trusting God... That doesn't take any faith. As I read this week...
People want to get over it (whatever it is) and they want to get over it right away. They expect immediate results, and the thought of having to struggle over the long haul doesn't quite fit into their scheme of things. But in the Bible we learn that our slow change into Christlikeness is not a sprint but an endurance race. We must patiently focus all our attention on Him. He began our faith and he's committed to bring it all the way to completion. (Elyse M Fitzpatrick)
He has a purpose in this. He is moulding us through this. He is sovereign over this.
Praise Him.
Thank you Claire. A reflection that is compelling, heart rending and applicable to all. All too often we want to sprint to a finish line we have built for ourselves, a target that we put value in. But your testimony here of calibrating your very important goal (Heidi's health) put ours into perspective! How difficult it is sometimes to release these things into Gods hands, what a great and faithful God we have. Thank you for sharing
ReplyDeleteWhat a great reminder Claire - how easy it is to push on through with our own time-scales and get frustrated with God that he isn't working as we would like! I do hope little Heidi is healing nicely, as you say it's about trusting God - sounds easy but not always so in practice! Hang in there x
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